Bending Time
by Francesca Montag
Summary: After a visit from an old "friend," the Doctor has a rough time following through. Rose is trying to come to terms with what she can never have from the Doctor. Ten/Rose with mentioning of Nine/Rose
1. Chapter 1

_This is a sequel to one of my previous stories, _Borrowed Time, _which was meant to be a standalone story at first. I would recommend reading that one first, but if you're good at filling in the blanks (and come on, we're DW fans, so you are), feel free to just start fresh here. _

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Doctor Who. I mean, come on, if I did...oh, why tease myself. I just don't, okay?**

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**Bending Time**

Rose could feel her body trying to wake her. She was conscious of her muscles urging her to get up. Muscles were stiff and her eyes begged to be rubbed. Ever the stubborn girl, she fought against it, wanting to sleep just a little longer. The left side of her body had begun to feel numb since she had probably been in the same position the entire night. Rose was about to flip to her right side when she realized she couldn't.

Instantly more awake than she had been two seconds ago, she struggled to keep her eyes closed. With her senses more alert, she felt there was something on her bed putting more weight on the edge next to her. Rose also noticed that whatever it was also had a pretty good hold on her left wrist which she semi-fallen asleep on. _No wonder the left side felt numb_, she thought. Still, she ignored the familiarity in the touch because it was simply _not _normal in feeling it there, on her bed as she slept. Trying not to panic, for panicking was never useful during these situations, she attempted to keep her breathing stable and decided to chance a look at whatever it was that had invaded her space. Opening her eyes to a slit, she instantly let out a soft rush of air. Rose's mouth, which had been set in a frown relaxed into a smile. The rest of her couldn't help but also loosen up at the sight before her.

The Doctor had half his weight on the bed, his upper torso lying near her stomach and, although she couldn't see, she knew he had to be kneeling on the floor. Still, as she thought of it, she couldn't comprehend what he was doing there. Even more surprising was the fact that he was asleep. The large grin on her face softened as she realized that this was one state she had never seen him in. He was lying on his left side, facing her and she could see that he had the most peaceful look on his face. He almost looked happy. There was an upturn to his mouth, set in a secret smile. It warmed her heart to see it. His hair, always a gorgeous mess, was sticking up and everywhere. He was exquisite and beautiful. There was never a time where he would just stand still so it was impossible to simply…admire him. Of course, Rose always admired him…but this was different…wasn't it?

His eyelids fluttered and she knew that he was dreaming. It made her chest hurt suddenly to wonder _who_ he was dreaming about. Pushing the thought aside, she shifted so that the arm he wasn't holding onto could become free. She lifted her hand and gingerly touched the side of his face with her fingertips. It was a ghost of a touch. She let her fingers travel to his hair, smoothing a strand behind his ear. Suddenly, his eyes fluttered open which would have started her if she wasn't already expecting it. So Rose simply took her hand away and continued to smile at him.

"Hello," she whispered. In the back of her mind she continued to wonder what he was doing there, but as always the fact that he was _there_ was more important to her at the moment.

"'ello," he replied, lifting his head off her bed and running the hand that wasn't gripping her through his ruffled hair.

Rose continued watching him, waiting for him to explain why he was not only in her room, but kneeling and asleep next to her bed. The explanation didn't happen. The Doctor's explanations _never_ happened and Rose couldn't understand why she would still wait for them.

After awhile, he stopped tugging at his hair and finally looked at her. His eyes looked worried and tired, but his lips were set in a smile.

"Sleep well?" he asked. The question was simple, but Rose could sense at least ten questions behind it.

Suddenly, images from her dream flowed through to her consciousness and before she could think of the implications of it, she blurted, "Oh! I had a dream about you!" Instantly her cheeks felt hot and her eyes darted to any point in the room that wasn't him.

"Oh? What about?"

It was his tone that got her looking at him again. The words dripped with sadness. Did he already know what she was going to say? What could possibly be going through that thick, but genius head of his? Should she lie and say it was _this_ him or tell the truth? Rose didn't like to lie, especially to him.

"I dreamt about…the old you."

Instead of seeing that look he would usually give her when she would talk about his past regeneration, the one clouded with hurt and what she suspected to be jealousy, she saw a slight, sad smile blossom on his lips. She felt his grip on her hand soften and soon his fingers trailed upon her fingers.

"What happened?" he asked, almost seeming indifferent to the answer. Almost.

As soon as he did, however, she remembered _exactly_ what had happened.

Rose's eyes bulged and her heart felt as if it were stuck in her throat. Her dream came rushing back to her, the heat of the Doctor's lips on hers, his fingers drowning in her hair and the rapid beating of her heart against his. It all felt so real. It only meant that her imaginative daydreaming had followed her into her _actual_ dreams. Part of her couldn't understand, however, when she had started dreaming about her previous Doctor again. All her dreams recently had starred this current, running-his-gob, gorgeous-haired Doctor.

It was probably because her current Doctor had also become the one with the tendency to leave her behind.

Choosing to side-step the question (that wasn't _really_ lying…was it?), Rose sat up, leveling with the Doctor and ended up being a bit too close to his face. Not that she minded, actually. She could count the freckles on his face and, if asked, could name the different shades of brown flecks in his eyes. Shaking her head and chuckling nervously, she said, "Doctor…before we start talking philosophical versus the scientific meanings of dreams…which I _know_ this is gonna lead to…" Rose noted that her voice had dropped to a husky, almost intimate level.

She also noticed that the Doctor's eyes had glazed over and…had his cheeks tinted crimson just now?

"Yeah?"

Rose smiled and gave him her best smile, "Well, a girl's got _needs_ Doctor…"

That really seemed to unravel something in him. His eyes melted into dark chocolate and he swallowed audibly.

There was a moment in which Rose felt that she could actually lean in to kiss him and that he would probably kiss her back. The thought disappeared as soon as it had materialized though. This was _the_ Doctor and she was Rose and…that only happened in her dreams. And even then…he was always leaving her.

So, she did what she did best…she played it off with another soft chuckle and her tongue pressed between her teeth.

The Doctor swallowed harshly, his eyes more alert, and looked down at their entwined fingers. He laughed halfheartedly.

"You need to use the loo, don't you?" he asked.

She reached up to ruffle his hair and rolled off the opposite side, detaching their hold in the process.

"Yeah, gonna take a shower too…I'll see you in a bit Doctor."

Rose bounced into her bathroom, promptly ignoring both the harsh beating of her heart and the confused, indescribable look on the Doctor's face.

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_Hope you like it so far :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_This is a short one, but I wanted to put it up tonight. Thanks for reading!_

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The Doctor could hear the water from the shower, it's splashing against the tile. He hadn't moved from beside Rose's bed in awhile. Well, that was a lie. He had sat back on his folded legs and just stared at the bathroom door since Rose had closed it behind her.

_What happened?_ he thought.

Rose was supposed to wake up to find him in her room gingerly caressing her hand. Then, he was supposed to feel his hearts pumping too fast as he reached forward to cup her face. The words were supposed to flow easily between them. The words describing how gorgeous and clever she was along with how much he…loved her, loved her from the word 'run' and maybe even before that. The words were supposed to just…_happen_.

But they didn't.

_Wellllll_, that was a lie too. His hearts _had_ beaten viciously in his chest after he woke up to her touching him. There was no logic after feeling her do _that_. Then she had teased him with this whole talk about…_needs_ and he was a goner. The Doctor felt that she had been waiting for something. There was a moment where he could just have inched forward a bit and it could have been a different kind of story.

Sighing heavily, he finally picked himself up off the floor. The Doctor worried that maybe he had missed his chance. Laughing without mirth at his sudden neuroticism, he sat down on Rose's bed, the springs squeaking softly underneath him. How was he going to follow through on what had seemed so crystal clear last night?

The thought of last night made his chest ache, a feeling becoming altogether familiar recently. Apparently Rose had remembered the kiss she and his previous regeneration had shared the night before, except she thought it had been a dream. He saw her hesitation in telling him about the dream and couldn't blame her. Every time they had tried to talk about him, he could feel the blood surge through his vessels to his hearts and the rush of adrenaline that always accompanied his anger. It was pointless and strictly mental to be jealous of himself, but he couldn't help it when it came to Rose. His ninth regeneration had been rough and protected with a leather shield, but she had broken him out of it, layer by layer. At the end of that regeneration she still hadn't gotten past all the layers, but still, it had been enough. He was able to care about her without worry. The only concern he really felt was at keeping her safe and with him for as long as possible.

And above all that, he _kissed_ her. Kissed Rose Tyler. Twice now.

What did _he_ get? A kiss from a Cassandra-possessed Rose that he wasn't entirely sure she even remembered.

He remembered. Blimey, had he remembered. It hurt his hearts to have realized that it wasn't Rose who had performed the action.

Breaking out of his reverie, the Doctor realized that he hadn't realized when the water had stopped splashing. He looked towards the door to see the knob turning. That's all it took to have the Doctor startled up and running from Rose's room. He had already felt mad for not being able to speak to her, no need to add needy-and-possibly-a-stalker to the list.

He jogged through the corridor until he finally reached the console. His hearts pumping and breathing shallow – a state that had nothing to do with the running. The Doctor leaned against the console as he put on his brainy specs. How could he show Rose how much she meant to him? Deep in his massive mind, he knew…just _knew_ that she thought he might not want her…like _that_. After Reinette, her smile had dimmed and it never completely reached her eyes anymore. His ninth self had been right about how much he had mucked things up. Rose had been knocked down from the pedestal he'd happily placed her on. She'd been made to feel inferior and forgotten. _He'd_ done that to her.

How could he fix something that was already too fragile and so close to breaking?

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_Does anyone else ever want to scream at him, "FIX IT YOU DAMN TIME LORD!" every time you either (a) see the end of GitF or (b) read a fanfic about it? I do. Sometimes a flying shoe accompanies it. Though, not atthe TV or computer because then...well, what would I do with the rest of my time? ha!_


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor leaned back on the console, contemplating where he should take Rose next. He had decided to take her to a peaceful time and place so they could simply just _be_. If there was less of a chance to get into trouble (which were bad odds to begin with as they were _them,_ after all), he could muster up the courage to finally let Rose know what he was feeling. The Tardis, for all her rooms and space, had begun to feel too constricting. The Doctor set the coordinates for a peaceful planet called Cagio. Rose would like it there, he conceded.

He needed there to be fresh air and a firm ground beneath the soles of their feet. Why he felt like this, he couldn't understand, just that he did.

Then a thought occurred to him. It was one that he surprisingly hadn't thought of before…at least, not since his previous self decided to pay him a visit.

What did he expect from this…whatever _this_ was?

He wanted to tell Rose how much she meant to him, how much he cared about her…but didn't she know that already?

What else did he want?

The reverie he had spun himself into became undone when he heard the soft footsteps of his companion. The Doctor looked up and towards her as she stood wary in the room's entrance. Her arms were resting at her sides and her forehead was wrinkling in confusion. She was wearing her blue jeans with a cropped, black sweatshirt and a pink top poking out from underneath it. There was a sliver of skin showing between her jeans and her shirt. He felt he was staring at the sliver for a moment too long before he realized that she had moved closer to him.

"Doctor, you a'right?" she asked, her voice clearly worried.

And that's where he sensed it…that same feeling from last night. The feeling of having everything being so completely crystal clear. He knew exactly what he wanted…

He wanted _her_.

It wasn't a question of what could he get from her, or of loneliness. It wasn't because he wanted to prove something to her or even because he wanted forgiveness (though, he really _did_ want that last one). No, it wasn't entirely about any of those things.

The Doctor wanted her presence in the Tardis forever. _His_ forever, but if he couldn't have that, he wanted _her_ forever. He needed her the way a heart needed a beat. He simply wanted all of her: body, mind, friendship and love. He had grabbed her hand from the beginning and he never wanted to let it go. The Doctor wanted to look into her honey brown eyes, touch her soft skin and be able to say, _mine_.

There was a touch of said skin on his cheek; it brought him back to the present.

"Doctor, Doctor?" her voice was reaching an almost frantic level. That's when he realized he hadn't talked in awhile, which _would_ be alarming coming from him.

He tried to wash away the realization for the time being, "What? Right, I'm alright…always alright."

Rose winced. It was miniscule and he would have missed it if he weren't staring at her so intently. She retracted her hand, but smiled warmly at him. Still, the wince and its cause were still in her eyes, hidden behind the pools of honey.

They were just words to him, but he could tell that they wouldn't be that anymore…not for her.

"Rose…?" he didn't know how to finish the sentence because he didn't know what he was looking for.

Stepping back from him, she dug her hands into her back pockets and said, a bit too cheerfully, "So! What are we gonna do today?"

Within a few seconds, his mind retraced any possible time he could have said those words specifically in that order (oh, that brilliant brain of his). His mind came to a screeching halt when he realized _exactly_ when he had said those words. Those precise words. He had to add it to all the other words that had since become painful targets in his hearts because he could see how much they had become an ache in hers: _French, France, Madame, Reinette, five-and-a-half-hours_, and now…these. They would add nicely to his collection.

He stepped toward her to…what? Provide her comfort, reassurance? He wasn't sure. His hearts stuttered painfully when she swiftly turned and sat on the console chair.

He deserved it, he knew this. But it still hurt.

Clearing his throat, he tried on a fake smile, fully intent to make himself miserable later (he was good at that), "Welllll, I don't know about you Rose Tyler, but I could go for a little R&R."

A genuine smile found its way onto her lips.

"Are we going somewhere where we won't be imprisoned/possessed/tried for execution then?" gleeful sarcasm punctuated her words. He smiled, more true this time.

"Rose Tyler, I'm going to take you to a planet that has the absolute best milkshakes in the entire cosmos!"

She chuckled, "You're craving a banana milkshake again, aren't you?"

Feigning surprise at the question, he said, "Rose, I will have you know…"

The Doctor was unable to finish his sentence as the Tardis became unexpectedly unstable, lurching forward. This caused the Doctor to lose his footing, and made him land partially on Rose who reached out her hands to simultaneously settle and hold him close. The Tardis didn't move anymore, but still the Doctor remained in Rose's hold. He did it partly because he was afraid another movement would make them both lose their balance, but also because he welcomed the warmth of her body against his. He hadn't felt it in awhile, he realized.

The Tardis became silent. No humming or beeping from the console. Just the vastness of the kind of quiet you would find in a cave welcomed their ears. Reluctantly, the Doctor detached himself from Rose as he took a couple of steps back to look at the console screen.

It was blank.

They were motionless in time in space. Floating in the vortex. The coordinates he had placed had disappeared. The Tardis wasn't dead, not like it had seemed in Pete's World…it was just…blank.

The Doctor stared incredulously at the screen. There was nothing to decipher, nothing to look for…it was just…_gone_.

"Doctor?"

Ah, there was her voice again. Only now, it was swollen with panic. He wanted to turn around and reassure her, but how could he when he didn't know if he could fix this?

"Doctor?" she whispered, though her voice seemed higher pitched than usual.

Composing himself and taking as deep a breath as he could muster, he turned around suddenly and found her closer than he had expected. He had whipped around so quickly, he almost knocked into her.

Rose's eyes were wide and glassy. They showed how frightened she was, but still, the tears did not fall. But she knew, oh, she just knew that there was something wrong.

"Everything's fine…the Tardis has just…gone a bit…wrong." It was the closest he could get to comfort.

"Wrong? Doctor….WRONG?" There was the alarm again.

He placed his hands at her elbows, hoping to exude confidence and comfort. The tension seemed to leave her body slightly at his touch.

"Doctor, is she okay?" she asked, her voice low and concerned.

At this, the Doctor found he couldn't help but smile. Rose both surprised him every time and yet she didn't. Her love for the Tardis was obvious and as it was his only real home (_with her_, he added silently), he appreciated…_adored_….that she thought that of her as well.

His grip tightened on her arms as he tried to free her from her worry again, more valid this time, "No worries Rose, she's okay, not…dead. She's simply…sick or something. I'll have her up and materializing in no time."

Her frown grew into a smile and it warmed his hearts to see it.

"I know you will Doctor. Can I help?"

Shaking his head slightly, but grinning all the same, he said, "Nah, its okay. Enjoy the day of rest, not every day we have one of those!"

Rose then reached around him and hugged him tightly, leaving him stunned at the sudden action. Recovering from the shock quickly, he enclosed her, his hands at her back, and trailed his fingertip along her spine. His chin rested on top of her head and smelled her floral shampoo.

"Mmmmm…._lavender_…"

"What?" she asked, detaching herself from his hug to look at him.

Had he said that out loud?

"Uh, nothing, nothing," he glossed over it as fast as he could, "go ahead, go R&R and then we can R&R with banana milkshakes later!"

Giggling, she stepped away and headed toward the corridor.

"Chocolate for me, please," she teased as she turned around, her tongue pressing between her teeth.

The Doctor's right heart skipped a beat while his left skipped two.

"You wound me, Rose Tyler," following her tease with a half-truth.

Smiling back at him one more time, she turned around and disappeared down the darkened hallway.

The Doctor let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding as he continued staring down at the space she had left vacant.

Then, he felt an abrupt headache drumming along his hairline. A telepathic voice then followed, causing him to gasp as it filled the long bare gap that was his mind. A space that had once been filled to the brim with the voices and thoughts of his people.

He welcomed it until he understood the words…

_**Now**__ are you ready to listen?_

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_Hope you like so far :)_

_Thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Doctor's headache was numbing into the background of his mind. It hadn't been the first time the Tardis had gained access to his thoughts, but he had to be honest in saying that she hadn't done that in a long while.

**_That's because you didn't need me to keep you company anymore, Doctor. _**

The thought gave him chills. Not bad ones, it was more like the ones you get when a touch you weren't expecting is suddenly felt on your skin…

**_Like when Rose touches you. _**

Frowning somewhat, he remembered why he hadn't quite liked having her in his mind. There was nowhere to run, nothing he could do to hide.

**_You don't need to hide from me. _**

The Doctor sighed, not even willing to put up a fight. It would have been useless as she always won. He started walking away from the console, having already realized that whatever he needed to do to get the Tardis moving would not be done with his hands and in the console room.

**_Well…_**

_What?_ he asked mentally, halting in his step.

**_Nothing_**.

He knew there was more to that but decided to ignore it until he got to his destination.

The Doctor's step softened as he walked past Rose's room. His palms itched to turn the knob to her bedroom door, anything to spend time with her. The urge was always there to look at her, hold her and…

He quickened his step, ignoring the feelings that flowed through him.

Once he arrived in the library, he sat in his favorite armchair. It was the color of the sapphires. It existed beside the worn dark green couch that at one point had also resembled a gemstone. He remembered favoring the latter seat in his previous regeneration. At the thought, he felt a sudden feeling of warmth and affection fill his mind.

_Oh, not you too_, he thought, trying to keep the irritation at bay.

**_Doctor, you think of such things as if you were two dissimilar individuals. _**

_Well, sometimes I feel as if we are…were…whatever._

The Tardis remained silent for a moment before adding her opinion.

**_You're the same being with a different way of handling things._**

She was being kind to him and it made him feel even guiltier. The guilt weighed heavily in his stomach and had been since the night before. But even after the enigmatic conversation with his ghost, he couldn't completely understand _why _he felt _so _guilty.

If the Tardis could sigh, the Doctor sensed she would have right then. Instead, she settled within herself, like an old home on its foundation.  
_**  
**_**_I'm not as old as you, Doctor._**

He grinned at her teasing, despite his melancholy.  
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__I didn't think it as a bad thing. _

Choosing to accept this, the Tardis continued.

**_You're the same Time Lord that traveled with his granddaughter, the one who chose a long scarf after tiring of the velvet and dark jackets. The same Time Lord that wore a vegetable and looked like a dandy. Your confusing question marks and penchant for stealing clothing remain within you._**

The Doctor smiled sadly, remembering his past. So many years, so many individuals and companions that had stood beside him. The same ones that left. It didn't matter if he was the one that did the leaving – eventually _everyone _leaves.

The Tardis carried on, **_You're the same with the rough edges and the heavy hearts. The one who held his leather jacket like it was armored steel. You're the same Doctor in a different package. _**

The Doctor rolled his eyes dramatically, even though the smile remained on his face. He really missed that jacket sometimes.

Interrupting his reminiscing, her thoughts in his mind gained a different type of affection, much like she did when she thought of the leather-shielded regeneration.

**_And no one sees it as much as _**_she _**_does…how very much you're still the same even when you're not. That's why it hurts, Doctor._**

The thought made his hearts plummet.

_What are you talking about?_

_**You are so very daft sometimes for such a brilliant being. **_

The Doctor almost stuck his tongue out at the wall. He knew he was being childish, but couldn't help it.

**_She sees you for who you are…the man that was and the man that's right in front of her. To Rose, you're the same person. And then you do…_**_things_**_…that _**_our_**_ previous Doctor wouldn't have done. _**

His hearts struggled to beat normally as the words that he knew were there, but that he kept trying to ignore, formed in his mind.

**_Like leave her behind. _**

Defenses up, the Doctor sprung forward and shouted, "I had to take care of history! There was no _time _to think!"

His pulse was doubly quick, his head felt pressured. After a moment of quiet, he forced himself back against the chair – a need to return to comfort was waging within him.

The Tardis continued, **_There is _**_always _**_time to think Doctor. Or at least…time to _**_reassure_**_. Something quick like, 'I'll be right back. Don't leave. Don't worry. Trust me.' Just something to let Rose know that you _**_considered _**_her. _**

The suggestion seemed so simple…and it was. So why hadn't he done it?

A heart beat later, she added, **_Not to mention the fact that you left _**_me_**_…_**

The Doctor shifted uncomfortably.

**_Either way, that's what she asks herself Doctor, why _**_couldn_**_'t you have done just that?_**

Looking up at the ceiling, his eyebrow arched and lips pursed, he thought,_ How did you know that's what she thought?_

After a moment of quiet, the Tardis gave the rapid notion to her Time Lord, **_That, Doctor, is _**_none _**_of your business right now._**

_Welllll, that's just not fair ol' girl_. He couldn't decide if he was upset or amused by how girls, even when one was _technically _a machine, could stick together.

**_I've told you _**_NOT _**_to call me that. _**

_Tell me how you know and I won't. Ol' girl. _

The Tardis suddenly rumbled harshly, causing the Doctor to fall forward and land roughly on his face against the library's rug.

"Owww…" he grumbled against the floor. He could feel the burn of the impact blossoming on his cheek, chin and forehead. _Sorry_.

She was silent for a long while, as if analyzing the situation and completely ignoring the Doctor's pain. In the meantime, the Doctor picked himself off the floor and chose instead to fall on the bigger green couch. One leg dangling off the side, his coat tangled up underneath him, he covered his face with his arm.

Her voice startled him.

**_She's not mad because you left, not really. _**

The Doctor held his breath, fearing what came next. If he kept acting like this, he'd have to drag himself to the med-bay for a check up. He was acting more and more human every day.

**_The reason why she is so upset, is because when you _**_did _**_leave her…it wasn't for the _**_world_**_, it was for _**_one _**_woman. _**  
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__But I told you…_

**_And you can _**_keep _**_on telling me, Doctor. It doesn't eliminate the fact that because of what happened, Rose feels more _**_alone _**_and…_**_inferior_**_…than ever. Rose is the woman who has sacrificed so much to share this life with you. And all she wanted, Doctor, was _**_consideration_**_. And any excuse doesn't erase the fact that you felt what you did. Which would be _**_fine_**_, if you weren't already feeling it for someone else. _**

He was stunned. Lifting his arm off his face, his stare pierced the ceiling. The room was tall and cavernous and it made him feel suddenly very lonely.

The Doctor didn't move. He could hardly remember how to breathe for a second. Altogether, he felt everything simultaneously. The humming headache drifted away from his hairline. That same clarity from last night's happening. The drumbeat of his right heart that banged with the need of _her_. The pain in his left at the realization.

_What had he done?_

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_I am P-R-O-C-R-A-S-T-I-N-A-T-I-N-G soooo badly right now. _

_Okay okay, hope you like it so far. This was fun to write because of the Tardis lol. Hope you enjoy it. _

_Back to work!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Since the Tardis wasn't materializing any time soon, Rose changed into more comfortable clothing and was looking for something to nibble on in the kitchen. Standing in front of the almost bare cupboard (once she decided to stop being upset with the Doctor, Rose hoped the Tardis could visit the planet of Verios – they had such gorgeous biscuits there) in her cut-off denim shorts and long-sleeved gray shirt, Rose finally decided to make some popcorn. She leaned up on her tip-toes to grab the box from the top shelf.

She was busy reading the front of the box (extra butter – _perfect_) and didn't notice the Doctor watching her from the doorway, silent as the night.

Freeing a packet and then popping it open, she let it lie on the plate in the microwave. Rose stood in front of it, watching its slow rotation, silent heat emanating from it. Then she felt, all of a sudden, like she was being watched. Quickly turning around to face the entrance to the room, she found…that it was empty.

_Hmm_, she wondered, _just my imagination._

She turned to face the beeping microwave and all thoughts of being watched melted with the anticipation of the buttery goodness of her popcorn. Taking it out, careful not to burn her fingertips on the heat of the bag, she quickly found a bowl to empty it into.

_Maybe the Doctor would like some popcorn_.

_**He's a little busy right now Rose. **_

Rose jumped, barely holding onto the bowl. A few kernels weren't so lucky and found themselves on the floor.

_**Sorry**_.

She placed the bowl back on the counter.

_That's a'right, just startled me a bit. Hadn't heard you in awhile. _

Rose smiled and ran her hand smoothly across the counter. Even though she couldn't ever possibly _see_ it, she could feel the Tardis almost smile.

_So_, she continued, _he's a bit busy, yeah?_

_**Just a bit. **_

_Oh_.

Bending down, she started picking up the lost kernels off the floor.

_**Thank you, Rose. **_

She smiled, _No problem_.

Throwing the bits in the rubbish bin, she straightened up and took her bowl with her as she moved to the opposite counter to grab a fizzy drink from the refrigerator.

_A'right, well, good you told me – don't want to bother him_.

The Tardis felt a sad twinge to her thoughts. Before the magnificent machine could comment on it, Rose continued.

_Is he okay?_

The Tardis rumbled gently with warmth towards this one-of-a-kind human girl…_woman_, she corrected herself. Although Rose could hear the words in her mind, she still couldn't fully grasp at the emotions that went along with it – though the Tardis figured she could feel it at times.

_**He's fine Rose. Just has a lot of thinking to do.**_

Rose chuckled out loud, _Because he doesn't do that everyday?_

The Tardis vibrated gently, her form of laughter.

She took her bounty and went to exit the room, walking in the direction of the library.

_Think I'll keep myself entertained for today. Can you let me know if he needs something?_

The Tardis stilled.

_**Rose, he would let you know if he needs something. You know this, correct?**_

Aloud, Rose whispered as she continued walking down the hallway, hints of pain etched in her words, "I'm not sure…not anymore."

Finally disappearing into the room, the entrance sealed up behind her, the Doctor stepped out from his room which was hidden in the darkness. He hadn't heard Rose until she passed by the room, her words, although spoken in an undertone, were loud enough for him to hear.

_I'm not sure…not anymore. _

He hadn't heard Rose talking until those words were spoken, so he knew she wasn't on the phone. The observation suddenly immobilized him.

_You've been talking to Rose?_ he almost accused.

_**None of your business, Time Lord. **_

The Doctor slammed his fist against the doorway, his face set in a clench.

_Tell me_, he growled.

Rumbling, she demanded_,__** DON'T do that again. I didn't tolerate it when you were big-eared and I most surely won't allow it when you're big-gobbed.**_

_Sorry_, he thought…though it didn't sound like he was. Still, the Tardis decided to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn't be doing that again.

She would simply desert herself in the middle of a pop-concert…see how much he liked _that_.

_**We've been talking. **_

_Since when._

Silence.

_Since when, _he thought, a little louder.

_**You don't want to know, Doctor. **_

Yes I do. You're my ship and I have a right to know.

Silence, then…

_**You know…you really don't. Have the right I mean. You **__did__** steal me.**_

_Oh, right. _

_Still. Please, tell me?_

His thoughts were a lot softer towards her and he had retreated back into his room, closing the door. She knew he was worried and the wonder was making him all that more tired.

The Doctor sat on his bed…his hardly ever used bed, and waited.

_**Since Reinette. **_

He nearly choked on his breath.

_What_?

_**Well…it **__was__** five and a half hours, Doctor. Someone had to reassure her. **_

_Oh_.

_What were you two talking about just now? _

After a pause he added_, I know that I have no right…but I'm sort of flying in uncharted and confusing territory right now_…

_**She wanted to offer you popcorn. **_

The Doctor smiled at the affection his pink and yellow human always offered him…even when he knew he didn't deserve it. Then, he suddenly frowned.

_But…she didn't come looking for me, she went to the library. _

_**Yes**_.

_Why?_

_**Because I told her that you were busy. **_

Closing his eyes, feeling frustrated with his ship, he didn't even bother to ask again.

_**You're not ready to speak to her Doctor. **_

Maybe she had a point, but still.

The more time he spent away from Rose, the more he wanted her near.

_**Soon enough, Doctor. **_

He sighed_. I can go see her right now if I want to_. Which he did.

_**And what, pray tell, will you be telling her?**_

He remained silent.

_**Exactly. There's no other way but forward Doctor, and right now? You're not ready. For some tired, repetitive, daft reason. **_

He sat up in his bed, his legs crossed in front of him.

"I miss her." He meant that in every sense of the word. He missed her presence, always, but until very recently, he had begun to miss how she used to be. How they used to be.

_**Now just imagine how she felt**_, the Tardis thought to him before leaving his presence of mind, allowing him to think further.

Do you ever wonder, Doctor, why you feel like a separate person from your previous regeneration?

* * *

_I know I know, more dialogue. But the Tardis is just too much fun to write :D_

_But more coming soon :) Hope you all like it so far._

_Thanks for reading!  
_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Rose snuggled into the cushions on the long green couch in the library. It was a comfortable spot to be with its spaciousness. She turned her head so her nose met the cushion she rested on, and took a deep breath. With eyes closed, she almost felt her original Doctor near her.

Almost.

Instantly, she felt the pool of guilt in her chest. It wasn't that she didn't _want_ or _care_ about her current Doctor. It was simply that the dream she had last night had been weighing in on her consciousness. She missed him so much.

Okay, so it wasn't _that_ simple.

She let her book, _Jane Eyre_, rest on her stomach while the bowl of popcorn idled between her and the back of the couch. With eyes still closed, she tried to remember how it felt to be sheltered by his strong, leather-covered arms. The memory tainted her eyes with tears. She hated to admit how much she missed him especially when he was still with her, but the further they got into his regeneration, the more he kept distancing himself from who he used to be.

Well, who he used to be with _her_.

Ever since…France…she couldn't ignore how much he had changed…particularly when he hadn't, not really. He was still brilliant, still gorgeously wonderful…and his hand felt just the same in hers. The Doctor hadn't changed completely, no. But then there were his other new tendencies that had made her feel anguish she wasn't used to feeling around him.

Rose never expected to be the most important…_anything_…in his life (lives?), but after being left behind…like some forgotten trinket…well, it had surprised her how very much she _did_ feel like she had been one of his priorities at some point. A part of her felt guilty for feeling that, but she couldn't help it. She hadn't even realized it until she saw the rain of shattered reflective glass around her.

Sighing deeply, she sat up a little straighter against the cushion. Somewhere inside, she knew that she could leave him. Rose could ask him to take her home. She'd say her goodbyes and then just…leave.

_**Could you really?**_

Not insulted nor startled by the eavesdropping, she smiled, the smile not reaching her eyes. Her fingertips were grazing the cover of her book. It had been a gift from his previous self, presented to her one evening as they took tea in that very room. They used to take tea there any time they weren't outside, his hand in hers, discovering new things…day after day. Those days had become less since he regenerated. Rose remembered feeling elated that he thought of her enough to give her such a gift.

Rose chuckled at the memory, a short, soft laughter full of warmth. All of time and space, and something as simple and wondrous as a _book_ made her feel truly special on a whole different level. Something other than _just_ a companion.

Her fingers trailed over the engraving on the cover. The words _Jane Eyre_ were in the most beautiful of scripts. They were in gold and the book was covered in dark brown leather binding. Whenever she opened it, she could still smell him. She would remember them as they were. As they should be.

Rose hadn't owned many books on the Powell Estate. No time or interest to read them. Still, the ones she did own were of the paperback, easily-accessible variety. Nothing like this. Nothing this…beautiful.

She hadn't gotten around to reading it during his time with her and she didn't want to make that same mistake twice. Who knew how long this life of theirs together would last? So, she had taken to reading, little by little, since he changed. She could have finished it in a day if she wanted to, as she loved the story so far, but she was determined to make it last. She was almost afraid of what would happen when she did finish it.

_No. I really couldn't. Even if he doesn't love me the way I love him, even if he decides to take another friend or… __**whomever**__...aboard while I'm with him…I won't leave him until he asks me to. _

_**He won't do that Rose.**_

The finality in the thoughts of the Tardis caused Rose's nerve endings to fire and numb at the same time. They felt isolated from the rest of her body.

She shrugged, _Oh, neither of us can know that. I didn't think he'd leave me behind, and look how __**that**__ turned out. _

Rose could feel the Tardis begin to interject, so she jumped in, a bit brighter, and a lot more fake.

_Still, this is a great life, yeah? Got to meet the Doctor, got to travel with you…_

_**You talk like you are leaving Rose.**_

Rose grinned half-heartedly at the uncharacteristic worry in her friend's thoughts.

_Nah, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Just can't help missing __**him**__, you know?_

_**Which one?**_

Clever ship.

_I dunno. My old Doctor? __**Both**__ of them? All of the above?_

_**Yes. I miss **__him__** too sometimes. But he's still him, you know that. **_

Sighing again, she propped the book to open to her bookmark. Mr. Rochester was currently dancing around the edges of Jane's unconscious affections. Yet again. Hmm…what was her old Doctor trying to say back then?

_Yes, I know. I just wish he would remind me sometimes. _

Silence grew as the Tardis left Rose to her thoughts and love story.

**XOXOXOXOX**

The Doctor remained on his bed. It was odd not having the urge to go fix something or demand that the Tardis move to his next whim and fancy. No, he had conceded to the fact that his ship was correct. It was time to come to grips with how he was and had been feeling since he first saw Rose in that basement so long ago.

He had been so lonely and didn't even know it. It took meeting her, with her vibrant innocence…her ability to see things how they were - right smack dab in front of him, to really get him to realize just how lonesome he truly was. The war had taken the best out of him, at least, that's how it had felt. He was broken and it was okay because no one bothered enough to care. Not even him.

But then he saw her in that basement. _Wellll_, he heard her first. A voice so small, yet so loud and fearless even when he knew it was drenched in panic. And then all it took was to hold her hand. A hand both strong and delicate that it was a sort of paradox and it was what got him to feel it. He could never really pinpoint what it was. He had thought of it countless times…what made her so different? Why did it have to be her? The Doctor knew that it had something to do with her hand, how it felt so perfectly enclosed in his. Like it belonged there.

That was the first hint. After that, there were numerous others. It was like each time they were together (which, as it was just the two of them, was quite often), there always had to be something that made her different. Had she known him better at the beginning (impossible, but he always did like impossibilities), she would have spotted right on how difficult and atypical it was for him to go back for her the second time.

Going back to the console without her, after she had said no the first time, had felt so…empty. He had known her altogether probably the course of one day and already he felt like stopping the turn of the earth for her.

That was not normal. Even in a space ship shaped like a police box – that was just not normal.

_**You don't do **normal**, Doctor. **_

The Doctor sighed.

_**Can't I just think? You're always butting in. **_

He felt her rumble beneath him.

_Rose** doesn't get annoyed when I join **her** thoughts. **_

_That's because Rose is human and doesn't know any better._

With a louder, harder rumble, the painting above the Doctor's headboard fell off, conveniently falling forward and smacking him in the face.

_How do you **do** that?_

_**Talent**._

Picking the framed painting off his face and setting it beside him, he leaned back further into his pillows and smoothed his hand on the wall behind him.

_Rose is better than me, that's why she doesn't mind. There was a hint of sadness in the thought._

_She has always been better than me._

_**Why did you go back for her Doctor?**_

The honest and soft-thought question surprised him.

_Well…_

_**Be honest. **_

He sighed heavily in the empty room.

_It felt…like I was going to miss her if she wasn't there._

The Tardis remained silent, but he knew she was listening.

_And by that point, I had gotten tired of missing **everything**._

_**But it was more than that, wasn't it?**_

_Yeah. I just didn't know it then._

A brief pause and then…

_He knew._

_**Who did, Doctor?**_

The Doctor paused for a second, and realized what he was about to admit. It had become a custom to not mention previous regenerations – only in passing and only when necessary or where it would be quirky to do so.

_My ninth self. After the gelth, he just…knew._

_**Oh. **_

After a brief moment, the Tardis continued,_** Do you ever wonder, Doctor, why you feel like a separate person from your previous regeneration? I don't remember it happening quite so…**obviously**…before. **_

He stopped to really think about it. It was true. No other regeneration had ever felt so unusual before. Of course, he'd made companions worry and forced them to adjust, if at all. Usually they were gone by then.

But with Rose…he needed her to see him as the same person. He more or less begged for it. He enticed her in such a childish way – only then did he feel that he could trick or guilt her into staying. And even when she did stay…he felt that they were the same as they were back then. But something had changed.

_**What Doctor?**_

_She'd made me better. I wasn't broken, not anymore. It was possibly the first regeneration in which I felt…**well** again. Especially after the Time War. It was all so new but so much the same. It was like I woke up well rested and ready for a whole new life. I woke up already loving her too much._

His eyes widened at the admission that he wasn't expecting. The emotions he hadn't thought of enough to secure away. Needless to say, he hadn't expected the thought to come so easily.

The Doctor could feel the Tardis practically smile.

_**You love her. **_

The statement was nearly in a sing-song voice.

_Oh shut it. Like **you** didn't know that._

Even as he thought the words, however, he realized how much he had felt them and did not allow himself to think them or acknowledge feeling them. But they were true. He loved her when he was tall, grumpy and broken and he still loved her with his wild hair and lanky frame.

_**It was impossible for me **not** to know Doctor. But it seems like it's a surprise to you**._

_I just didn't…I didn't want to…I don't want to…_

_**You don't want to love her?**_

_No! No, that's not what I meant…_, he thought, completely horrified at the notion.

_**Then what, Doctor? You talk and you think every second of every day, but you say next to nothing. **_

_Oi._

_**Sorry, but it's true. **_

_She's going to leave._

_**Not today.**_

_But someday. Someday, she will realize how much of a waste this life with me has been. She'll realize that she's getting older and then she'll want to have kids and a husband and a life. And I…I can't give her that._

_**She has already gifted you her forever time and time again. **_

The Doctor smiled sadly at that.

_But then I'd lose her._

_**Doctor, humans don't last forever…you knew this when you held her hand that first day. But still, you continue wanting to hold it. **_

_But I don't want to **lose** her. Not **her**. Not **ever**._

_**So then your bright idea is to push her away in the meantime?**_

Knowing exactly what his ship was implying, he thought, _Reinette….Reinette wasn't who everyone thought she was._

_**Meaning?**_

_I cared about her. I saw her when she was a little girl afraid of monsters under her bed to the accomplished, albeit questionably so, woman she became._

_**And?**_

_And then she died. She died and that was it. She was gone._

_**Doctor….**_

_Don't you see? It doesn't matter how wonderful a person is. How truly beautiful, inside and out and accomplished and cheeky and clever and completely unique…it doesn't matter how crazy she drives you with her tongue and her teeth and that perfume she wears and those ghastly magazines she reads…it doesn't matter because they die! They die and they leave!_

The Doctor could feel his hearts beating with ferocity in his chest, his head pounding. He'd just laid out the fears he longed to bury with the rest of his nightmares to his ship. The pounding trailed through his nerves and to his fingertips.

After a long moment of silence, his hearts started normalizing and he wondered if she had left him.

_What? No snappy comeback?_

Nothing.

Not wanting to be alone, he sought after her to invade his thoughts again.

_Ol' girl?_

He felt the Tardis settle and in a slightly irritated, but mostly sympathetic thought, he heard her.

_**I told you not to call me that. **_

The Doctor smiled, despite himself.

_**Not everyone can be immortal Doctor. Things are not **meant** to be that way. **_

His smile melted into a frown as the words he already knew to be true circled his thoughts.

_**But why can't you **enjoy** her while she's still with you?**_

The word _enjoy _stilled his hearts and made them pang. He sat up suddenly and pushed his back flat against the headboard, his arms folded to his chest in a defiant stance.

_All this is moot anyway since Rose would have told me if she felt the same about me._

_**You, are **so** daft. **_

And with that, the Tardis decided that she had helped the Doctor as much as she could. If she had to spell this out for him, he wasn't as brilliant as he thought he was.

* * *

_Damn Time Lord. lol. Almost getting to the end folks - 2 more chapters to go :)_

_Thanks for reading!_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The Doctor was pacing the open space in his room, miffed with the Tardis for calling him daft. Again. She was making it a habit these days. He couldn't understand what had made her get upset with him. It was quite straightforward really – if Rose had felt even an inkling of what he felt for her – she would have told him.

Sure, they hugged…a lot. They held hands more than what would be considered…normal. But they weren't _normal_. They were…the Doctor and Rose.

The simple group of words made his hearts beat strongly in his chest. He was more than fond of that combination of words. He wanted to drown in them…except he wanted to make _one_ correction…

The Doctor and _his_ Rose.

The Doctor knew he had no right to feel the entitlement in thinking that statement. There was so much passionate possession in it that it both worried and elated him.

Always the paradox.

He felt his throat constrict with a mixture of longing and bewilderment. Breathing was beginning to become a problem it seemed.

Turning around in his pacing, he walked to the door and opened it to step foot in the hallway. He needed air – a different kind of air so walked determinedly toward the botanical garden in order to achieve some sort of it. It was during his quick walk that the Doctor almost passed by the door of the library. The Tardis must have unsealed it sometime during his pacing. Unable to resist any room with one Rose Tyler enclosed in it – he fought against his more logical Time Lord reasoning and took a soft, steady step inside.

He could see that Rose was lying on the green couch instead of his blue armchair (now, why would _that_ cause those tingles of jealousy to run down his arms to his fingertips? _**I thought Time Lords didn't feel jealousy.**_ _Oh, hush you._), lazily resting on a cushion. She was wearing a thin, gray, long-sleeved top with short…very short (too short, really) denim cut-offs. The sight made his already constricting hearts tighten anew with the pumping adrenaline of anticipation.

Anticipation? For _what_? Hadn't he mentioned all but 5 minutes ago that it was a moot point.

Moot point.

_**Repetition isn't going to make it stick, Doctor. **_

_Hush! Go…recalibrate something. _

_**I'll leave you to it – but only because I'm tired of your little dance. **_

All was silent in his mind again. For the time being, of course.

Rose had a book opened in her lap, her eyes following the lines while she absentmindedly took kernel after kernel into her mouth from the bowl lodged between her and the back of the couch. She would twirl each kernel between her fingertips before finally popping them in her mouth. The chewing was achingly slow and the Doctor wondered when he had ever paid this much attention to the act of eating before.

Oh, right. It was just the other day when Rose was eating strawberries.

The Doctor shook his head, as if that would help him clear it. Staring at her from the doorway (a habit of his when it came to _her_), he was surprised she hadn't sensed him yet.

A soft sigh came from Rose's mouth as she closed her eyes and the book. The Doctor could see that it was _Jane Eyre_. Instantaneously, a smile blossomed on his lips. He remembered when he gave her that, back in his previous regeneration.

They had been having tea in that very room and he had it hidden in his deep pockets. The day before they had been to the second largest book shop in the cosmos (he really had to take her to the first one someday, and maybe even the largest library while they were at it) when she had unsurprisingly wandered off. In the meantime, he had perused the shelves and had come upon that copy of that glorious novel. Its weight felt perfect in his hands, the leather binding smelled fantastic and it suddenly surprised him that he didn't want the copy for his own collection. He wanted it for hers. The Doctor had seen the modest group of books she had brought on board. They were all flimsy paperbacks and almost all had become waterlogged as they had found themselves in the middle of some big adventure (usually when they were trying to relax). Rose never asked him to replace them nor for him to buy her better ones. He sensed that she wouldn't feel comfortable doing so. Either way, he had been feeling much like Mr. Rochester at the time, dancing around his feelings for her, and he was tempted to buy it. A gift for her so that no matter what, memories wouldn't be the only thing he left her with. The tangible served as a good memory as well – and this one had been clad in leather just like him. He remembered thinking this and smiling when he heard her call his name from a couple dozen bookcases back and swiftly took it to the owner of the shop to buy. He had just hidden it within his jacket when she came bouncing up to him.

He remembered feeling suddenly shy in actually gifting it to her when they took their tea later that evening in the Tardis. He feared that she would understand why he was giving it to her. The story wasn't about them, of course, but he could sympathize with Rochester's fear of losing Jane over his deep, dark secret. At the same time, however, he almost hoped that she _would_ read exactly that into the gesture – somehow, it made him feel like it would be easier to tell her.

The Doctor frowned. She never did get around to reading it then.

Still, she had been reading it now – that must count for something.

He took a few steps into the room and whispered, "I remember that book."

Rose startled and gasped as she sat up straight. Her eyes were wide and her hair was in disarray from the cushion. She clutched her book, her knuckles almost white.

"Doctor! You scared me!" she said.

The Doctor smiled despite her obvious disarray.

"It's best to keep that fragile human heart pumping away, Rose!" he smiled a toothy grin – hands in his pockets and his hearts giving her single one a run for its money.

Instead of cracking a smile, Rose straightened up and placed her book back on her lap. She wasn't frowning, but she wasn't smiling either. The Doctor's happy grin melted away. Hesitantly, he walked around to the front of the couch and sat down – making sure to be close enough to be comforting, but far enough that he couldn't touch her. His palms itched, but he refused to give in.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice dropping a notch under normal. He hoped that it didn't have that desperate twitch to it that always gave him away.

Finally looking up at him, Rose's honey-colored eyes explored his chocolate ones. It felt like she was looking for something and it made his breathing still. He wondered how in the universe, in the whole of creation, one little human woman could possibly have gotten a hold of his hearts as she had. She must know how he felt…how could she not? She was a clever girl, much more than he could be at times (not that he would be telling her that) – she must have seen it before he even saw it himself.

"You're so…different," she stated, a sad twinge to the words mixed with exasperation. It almost sounded like she had given up.

But what had she given up?

He straightened up, loosening his tie in the process, "New New Doctor…old old news Rose." The Doctor had hoped his gentle banter would make her smile, but it did nothing. She just kept staring at him like he had suddenly grown two heads. He could alter his shape to escape death, change every single cell in his body – but not grow another head. Not that he had tried…

Taking in a deep sigh, Rose continued as she lowered her sight to inspect her chipped purple nail polish, "Yeah, I know. I just didn't think…" Her voice was heavy with emotion and if he didn't have amazing Time Lord hearing, he never could have heard her.

He tried not to panic, but it had become a reflex in this body to react that way to what Rose thought of him. Sure, he had smaller ears and a more proportional nose – a body almost made with her in mind…but that didn't mean that she had accepted him. He had felt lucky that she continued to travel with him, but it also felt like that luck was running out like sand through his fingers. Time, after all, did not stop for him.

And besides, like he said, she was very clever.

"You didn't think…what…?" he asked, trepidation in every syllable. He didn't even try to hide it.

Rose was trying very hard not to look at him and it made him…angry. Ever since he had regenerated, no, ever since…ever since the _wolf_, the Doctor felt a crack starting to form between them. And if he were honest with himself…something he tried often not to do…he would say that Sarah Jane widened that crack just a bit more, his words, and his promise settling the fracture in.

And if he really wanted to be truthful, he'd say that Reinette had completely broken the already fragile glass that they had become.

But no, she couldn't possibly think that he'd really leave her. She just couldn't.

He moved a little closer to her, and took her hand in his. The soft, delicate hand belonging to this extraordinary creature beside him felt the same way it always had – it felt like time, home and being alive.

What did she feel when he held his?

The Doctor could see her bottom lip beginning to quiver and panic filled him.

Rose lifted their hands to eye level, "This. This feels the same as it always has, yeah?" He tried to ignore that desperate tone in her voice. It matched his a bit too perfectly.

He nodded vigorously, his grip tightening on her slender fingers. "Yes, Rose, yes. Of course." Of course they did – what was she getting at?

She lowered their hands but made no move to disentwine their digits.

"Then why…" she trailed off, as she took her free hand and created paths on the back of his with her fingertips. The action made him shiver. Chills ran above his spine.

Rose brought herself back from distraction and continued, "If this feels the same, then why are you so quick to leave it behind?"

It was such a simple question and that's why it confused him.

"I'm not…Rose…why would you think that?" his voice was full of incredulity. Was this what was going through her mind? No wonder the Tardis was mad at him.

_**I told you. **_

Unable to come up with a quick response, he accepted it. It was true, and he had been too idiotic to pay attention.

"Because that's what you do," her voice was so sad that it made his chest hurt, "you leave." The Doctor had never seen Rose so…broken. Had he done that? How could he have broken the one person who had pieced him back together?

"But Rose…" he had no idea how the sentence would end, except that it would have ended had it not been for Rose interrupting him.

"Nevermind, Doctor. Doesn't matter. You and me, that's the way it is. You're the same just with different tendencies," and with that she made to get up and disentangle her fingers from his, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't let her go because if he did, there was a fear that would be it. They were floating in the vortex, but he almost believed that she could leave right then and there. She was Rose after all. And life without her…would be…

It wouldn't be anything he'd want to feel again.

Her nimble fingers finally found their way out from in between his and she got up and made her way to the door. The Doctor stared after her, disbelieving that she was walking away from him. There were thousands of words in his mind in a hundred languages but not one would make it out of his mouth and out to her to get her to just _stop_.

Once at the door, Rose turned around to face him. She looked miserable, irritated and like she had finally decided on something. There was inevitability in her eyes. The Doctor was afraid of what the decision had been.

"It feels weird, me walking away, yeah? I'm not used to it either. But it's okay because _you_ know _I'll_ come back." She didn't say it cruelly, only matter-of-factly.

And that was what truly hurt.

And with that same finality, he turned, and left.

* * *

_Hope you like it, we're almost at the end :(_

_Thanks for reading!_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Rose walked quickly down the hall, threatening tears beginning to pool at her eyes. Everything was bleary and she walked blindly, not entirely caring where she would eventually end up. She knew she had passed her room, but still her legs carried her – anywhere to get away from the Time Lord who had been close enough to touch but who didn't. But that was the thing, wasn't it? It didn't matter how far she took herself away from him – he'd always be the never ceasing presence with her. It didn't matter how much distance either one of them placed between them – he would forever be right _there_. He'd be that feeling in her chest, the one that caused her heart to feel heavy and that would make her lungs ache for more than just air. It would make her ribs want to shatter with the want of him and her heart break with the knowledge that she would never have him.

When had it all become so complicated? Why couldn't they have skipped the spaceship and its French connection? If they had, things could have stayed the same. Rose cringed at her thought, knowing that it was both truth and a lie.

Now, all she could think about was just how much he didn't need her anymore. It may have been the case when he was blue eyed, but it had all changed when those eyes had burned into darker ones.

She didn't want to miss her leather-covered Doctor as much as she did. But nothing could keep her heart from wrenching every time he touched her and merely looked at her. Rose needed more and she never realized just how much she had been trying to hide that from herself and him.

Having since entered the console room, Rose sighed as she walked up to sit on the Doctor's chair. It was yellow and tape had begun to hold it together. There was no escaping him and it was a bother to even try. Her life was consumed by him and part of her detested it. Rose trailed her fingertips on a piece of tape that was coming unstuck. It would all have been different if she felt he was equally consumed by her.

But he wasn't.

The Doctor sat there for a moment – just staring at the door Rose had stormed through. His hearts were beating furiously and a cold sweat had flourished on his forehead. He was pretty sure he was trembling slightly but couldn't think too much about it since his mind was consumed with what she had said and how she had looked saying it.

Wrecked. Ruined. Disappointed.

So many synonyms for the same word circled his thoughts. There was no one else to blame this on but himself. Rose had been there, fixed him and this…_this_ was how he left her. It was how he had left everyone. Simply broken. They left and then they realized just how much of their lives he had taken – taken and didn't even bother to wonder what they'd want from him. It didn't matter because he was the Oncoming Storm – the last of the Time Lords.

It was what he had done to them all.

He stood up, his legs shaky though he would never admit it. This was what that extraordinary human had done to him. She had reduced him to a puddle at her feet and didn't even know it.

Determined and as afraid as he could ever be, he walked briskly around the couch and into the corridor.

Because there was one thing…one huge, magnificent, impossible thing that made Rose different from everyone else.

It wasn't just because his hearts beat faster when he gazed and touched her. It wasn't because he had no doubt in his mind that she'd be there to save him time and time again – even when he didn't deserve it. They were a part of the bigger picture…the thing that made her different in his very long, very tiring and heartbreaking existence.

Not once…not _ever_, he believed, did he even consider letting her go.

The Doctor never wanted to lose his companions – but he'd dealt with each loss. He knew humans didn't last. It wasn't their fault after all – well, for the most part. They withered, they died and eventually became memories that he'd store away and never reopen unless he had to.

But he didn't want Rose to become a memory. Not like that. He didn't want to lose his Rose. The Doctor never let himself think about the consequences for him if she had found someone on their travels to spend her life with, someone she wanted. He didn't let himself think about the life he was stealing from her, keeping it for himself because of his selfish want of her. He'd intended to keep her forever – to hold her to her promise that she had entwined in every word she had said to him. The Doctor didn't care how impossible it was. She was Rose and he needed her.

As he walked down the hall, his rubber soles sounding on the Tardis grating, he knew…just _knew_ somewhere in his core that she wouldn't find that person to spend her life with because he knew that person was him.

It made what he had done that much worse and he loathed his smug selfishness.

But he still wasn't going to give her up.

His pace quickened.

Tears had begun to quickly stream down her cheeks. They felt cool against her warm skin. Rose tried to control herself, knowing all too well that the console room would be one of the first places he'd look. She didn't want to hide, however. She had grown weary of hiding without realizing it.

Wiping her cheeks with the sleeves of her shirt, leaving dark spots on the gray fabric, she turned to seek solace in her room when she bumped into the Doctor. Rose's breathing hitched and she swallowed a cry at the same time, making her throat and chest ache. He'd placed his hands at her waist, if at first to settle her, but he had not removed them. If anything, he seemed to grip at her skin harder where her shirt had ridden up.

"Rose…" he started. His brown eyes had turned stormy and for a moment she felt as if she was staring into icy blue.

Unnerved at his sudden closeness, she pushed at his chest with her clenched fists. She needed him to get away and he wasn't budging.

"Doctor…just…just let me go," she was pleading with him and to hear it in her voice made her wither a great deal more.

His fingers dug into her soft flesh and she winced just a bit at the pain there. It worried her that the hurt wasn't unpleasant.

"I…I can't…that's the point," there was something close to begging in his tone and it made her breathing catch.

"I…don't…," Rose was torn between her curiosity, anger and weariness. She was somewhat glad he was holding onto her because she felt her knees would have buckled otherwise.

Suddenly, his touch at her waist softened into caress, his fingertips gliding ghostly over her skin, making her shiver. The Doctor smiled softly, the storm calming into something else entirely in his eyes.

"I don't ever want to let you go Rose Tyler and no one…no matter who you think them to be for me, will ever amount to who you are. There is only one you…and I want to keep you to myself. How's that for a daft Time Lord?" Sadness etched his face and words. They made Rose's heart soar and fall at the same time. Always the contradiction with the man that stood before her.

She smiled shyly up at him, unsure of where their conversation was going.

"I never said I was going anywhere…" her sentence trailed off since she didn't know if she should display her heart in its entirety to him. He had already stepped on it – she didn't need him trampling it into nonexistence.

His smile faltered and she quickly grew worried that she had said the wrong thing. Rose attempted to step back, her instinct to detach herself whenever it felt like things were just getting to be emotionally too real for him.

Instantly he strengthened his hold on her, refusing to let her move an inch. Rose felt her brow furrow in confusion as she held onto his arms, gripping his coat under her fingers. The material made her palms itch.

"Don't," he whispered, his mouth having moved dangerously close to her own.

Rose could feel her heart stop when he closed the distance as he dipped his mouth to meet hers.

His lips were cool and it reminded her of a glass of fresh water in the steaming heat of the planet Jenea. Her mind soon lost any focus it had left as he deepened the kiss, his tongue searching for permission from her. Rose granted him his wish, would always grant him just that because she loved him without abandon. Her body tingled with the sensation and adoration that she felt radiating from him. Rose could feel the swift beating his hearts beneath her fingertips and her heart swell with love for him with each passing beat.

Anticipation, and awe pooled at the bottom of her belly and heart for him. She had dreamt of what it would feel like to have him like this…to feel him under her touch in such a way – but nothing…absolutely _nothing_ could have prepared her for how it felt to finally be with him the way she had wanted him.

The feel of her skin under his touch made him want to inch his way forward so every bit of her was touching every bit of him. Her lips were ripe with sweetness – the heat of her mouth made him ache for more. Nothing would ever be enough to quench that thirst for her he felt he would always own. Her tongue was a drink of water – his life had been barren without her. Why hadn't he realized this before? The Doctor encircled her waist entirely with his arms. Her fingers clawed at his coat and somewhere in the back of his mind, he wished he had taken it off before finding her. Anything to feel any inch of her skin on his.

Needing to suddenly look at her, he tapered his kisses to small pecks and then finally to a brush of lips on lips. He inched away slightly, enough to look into the honey of her eyes but not too far that he wasn't in direct feeling of every inch of her that he could have.

"Do you believe me," he asked, his voice low and serious, fear seeping into his words, "when I tell you that I need you?"

Rose smiled, small and shining, "Doctor, I already knew that."

He shook his head and met her forehead with his, "No, Rose. I need you in a way I've never needed anything or anyone before." He closed his eyes and trailed his hands from her waist up her back to her shoulders. He felt her tremble at his touch and it made a rush of heat collect at his ears and neck.

He felt her hands finally unclench from his coat to tangle in his hair. It made his muscles relax slightly.

"I know Doctor – because that's how I feel about you." And he knew that she meant it. Everything she said made him want to stare at her in wonder. His Rose…simply impossible. But, oh, how he loved impossible.

An abrupt dread filled him at the inevitable consequences of what he was letting himself finally succumb to.

"Rose, I'm gonna be daft, and I'm gonna be oblivious. I'm going to be a million things because, well, I'm me," he smiled sheepishly. Rose rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Yeah?" her smile only widened.

The Doctor persisted and the slight humor evaporated from his words, "And we both know how this will…" he wanted to say 'end,' but found that he couldn't let the word pass his lips. He was happy to live in oblivion for as long as he could.

Rose inched back to look at him. Her eyes mesmerized his as her fingers trailed paths along the decades of life on his skin.

"It doesn't matter. Not now. Not even when it happens. All that matters is here and now."

His eyes glistened as she repeated to him the words he had said to her so long ago.

"And here and now?" she continued, "You have me."

She sealed her silent promise with a soft, chaste kiss to his lips. It made his nerves tingle and fire from his fingertips to his toes.

Cradling her back with his arms and hands, he trailed kisses from her lips to her cheek and then to her ear where he whispered, "Did you love me when I was old and broken with big ears? Because I loved you since 'Run' and never stopped."

Again the fear trailed from his nerves to rest at the bottom of his stomach. He couldn't look at her to see her answer in her eyes. The Doctor didn't want to know as much as he did.

Lucky for him, Rose never did as she was expected. She detached herself slightly to look at him.

"Since 'Run'? Really?" she asked incredulously.

As if it was that hard to fall in love with her.

"Well, it might have been from the time you gave me permission to aim a missile at you, but same difference," was his attempt at humor to cover up the hurt at her lack of a response to his declaration.

"Doctor, I've loved you since before I even knew you existed. You were just a forgotten dream then, an impossibility," her smile shined brightly, her fingers never having left his hair. They were smoothing over his scalp, making him melt, "'sides, I love those big ears as much as I love that giant gob of yours."

She giggled as he tugged her to him, embracing her tightly as their chuckles entangled around them.

_**Told you**_, thought the Tardis to her Time Lord in her sing song voice.

The Doctor laughed with mirth as he held on tightly to Rose. The future may happen as quick as the blink of an eye or it may not – but all that mattered was the here and now.

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_And that, my faithful readers, is the end. I love a happy ending (especially when the series never gave me one...well it did in a way...oh, let's not start that...) Thank you to everyone who has read this story or any other story and those of you who took the time to review - I will respond soon! School has been slowly murdering me. We should sue!_

_Anyway - thank you :)  
_


	9. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"Why does it always have to be The Lion King?" whined Rose.

The Doctor kneeled in front of his retro player and popped in the classic cartoon, smiling at Rose's tone.

"Because it's brilliant," it was simple as that. He stood up only to walk the few feet to the long couch to join her. As soon as he did, she cuddled up into his side, a hand magnetically drawn to his chest as she grazed his shirt slightly. She wasn't touching skin, but still he felt her warmth through the fabric. It made him smile and kiss the top of her head in giddy satisfaction.

Realizing that she had been oddly quiet through the beginning of the first trailer, something that she could hardly stand to be especially when this was the umpteenth time they had seen this movie, he began to worry.

"Rose, are you alright?" they had had a pleasant…_wellll_….more than pleasant time since their declarations to each other. They were still new even though they were quite mature already in their feelings. Rose wanted to take things slow and although he felt slight panic at taking things at such a pace – he'd do anything for her…as long as he got to hold her and kiss her and occasionally lick bits of her every now and then. Though, not the bits he'd…

He abruptly heard two exasperated sighs from the two most important women in his life.

The Tardis had given him privacy recently to think – so he must have touched a nerve somewhere in his thoughts.

The Doctor paused the movie (no way was he missing that epic first scene) to look down at Rose with concern. "What is it?" he repeated.

Rose shifted to look at him, her eyes momentarily sad – something that only confused him more. Before he could ask again, she beat him to it.

"Doctor, this has been the most amazing week…." She stilled and it frightened him – had he messed up already? But how? They hadn't even made it out of the vortex yet.

Oh. Huh. That's right – they hadn't been out of the vortex in a little more than a week. He hadn't actually realized it.

Swallowing audibly, much to his chagrin, he continued with pressing her to continue, "Yes…."

Sighing heavily, but still playing with the buttons on his shirt (which he took to be a good sign, really), she kept on, "You have this…_tendency_…or maybe others do…of…" again, she stopped, looking hesitant. He nudged her gently.

"Well, someone always ends up kissing you. Or you kissing them. Whatever," her nimble fingers dropped from his shirt to trace the lines in her palm. She had also shifted her eyes from his.

_Oh_, he thought.

"Rose, I thought we had already talked about this…." What did he have to do to prove it to her?

She turned suddenly, a fire burning in those gorgeous eyes of hers, "Actually – we didn't. I just sorta…forgave you. And I'm not saying I didn't mean to forgive you or that you didn't deserve it. I forgive you because I love you, but I want you to know, Doctor, that I won't just stand there and watch – no matter who kisses who first. I know you're a Time Lord, I know that people end up adoring or hating you. But that doesn't excuse it. Not with me." Her words had come out in a fast stream and the Doctor suspected that it was draining her courage. He couldn't say he blamed her.

"Rose," he implored her eyes with his – his hearts' beats loud in his ears, "first of all, I love you too. Second of all, I don't want anyone who isn't you. I don't expect you to trust me completely, not after how I've hurt you, but I hope one day you will."

She smiled at him, tongue pressed against teeth and he couldn't help smiling in return even if his fear hadn't subsided. He didn't want to give her a reason to leave him.

"I do trust you Doctor – just need you to watch out for those tendencies, yeah?" and although the words sounded playful, the Doctor shivered with pleasure or alarm, couldn't decide, at her jealous tone.

The Doctor cuddled closer to her, her quick fingers back on his chest and that smile firmly in place where it should be – where he was making it his own personal undertaking to always keep it.

Rose moved her head quickly to meet his lips in a surprising kiss, a kiss which he couldn't help but deepen as he was addicted (he had realized since those declarations) to the way it always made him feel – special and loved by the only person who could ever make him feel that he deserved some claim to the words.

Ending the kiss with a gentle bite to his lower lip (which made nerves he didn't even know he had electrify), she whispered territorially, "_Mine._"

Her tone made him tremble anew, but he didn't hesitate to let her know the feeling was quite mutual.

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_Yup kids, this was bugging me and I just had to add it. Hope you all like it :) Thank you for the reviews and for anyone who has read it :)  
_

_The End._

_Really :)  
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